This was your dream once, right? The sticky fingerprints on the fridge, the tiny shoes left all over the house, the toys everywhere. It was my dream, my fervent prayer, to be a mother. There are some days I wonder if I forgot that. I wonder if I forgot how badly I wanted this.
Every now and then, life gives you what is called a “rut”. And man, do I get stuck in there. This has happened to me at every job, every place I have lived, every season of my life. I have come to a point where I wonder, “what could be different in my life?”
I ruminate on that question until it makes me miserable. And I have learned do not ever ask yourself this unless you are willing to change something. Around the time when my baby was sitting (but not crawling) and napping (but not sleeping overnight) I started to feel as if nothing I did meant anything. We barely left the house. We barely went outside. We barely saw other people. All of my baby’s needs were extremely simple at the time. We had lots of fun together, but I struggled with my purpose outside of her.
My struggle went away when I realized that, for as long as she needs me, she is my purpose. I no longer believe in losing myself to motherhood because, for right now, and maybe always, it is my number one descriptor. I am a mother first. Second to that, I am a writer, a hiker, a snorkeler, an adventurer, etc..
While I am in this season, I want to make it as wonderful as possible. It is her childhood and it is my motherhood. Here are six ways that I romanticize motherhood.
1. Take Pictures of Everything
Even if you feel like you are awful with a camera– I pinky-promise you, you will love looking at them anyway. Your child will love them too. Make sure you get some with you in them. My daughter loves to point out all the pictures on the wall that she is in.
2. Dance in the Kitchen
There are so many songs about dancing in the kitchen with your partner, and yes I agree it is adorable. But also, dance party in the morning while you’re making breakfast and starting the day with giggles is so magical. Things that are considered cute dates for partners are often things kids will love too! (Picnics, Hikes, Themed events- the point is intentional time spent together).
3. Put your Phone Down
It is so easy to mindlessly scroll for hours and it is nice to sometimes just turn your brain off. But, I’ve discovered in myself that I miss connections with my daughter way more if I’m scrolling while she’s awake. I try to limit my phone usage to when she is occupied or asleep. Screen time limits help a lot with this! I am nooooot the best person with this, but I do put limits to make myself better.
The goal (for me) is to notice every connection and I don’t want my phone to get in the way of that. Connection feels as wonderful for me as it does for her.
4. Stop Following People that Criticize Parenthood
This one is tough because it is nice to feel understood or see other parents going through the same things as you. I am not saying unfollow comedians that make light of parenting struggles. I’m referencing influencers that show up in a negative capacity every time they post, or people that have a victim-mindset toward motherhood.
When my daughter was first born, tiktok pushed a lot of parenting content to my fyp and I had zero discernment in what I was consuming. I wish I could go back in time and throw my phone out of the window & tell myself that being home with my daughter is the greatest privilege AND if I look at it any other way way I will become miserable.
Okay, I will get off my soap box.
4. Go Outside
It is a reset button for everyone. Get fresh air. Maybe listen to an audio book and stroll. Maybe sunbathe while your toddler runs around the yard collecting leaves. Maybe run around with the hose. Bottom line, fresh air is good for you (and baby).
5. Find Beauty in the Mundane
Any time I cut up fruit for my daughter, I think of my mom peeling my oranges for me. I think of my dad ordering ice cream for me because I was shy. I try to think, as often as possible, of all the love that was poured into me.
When my daughter picks up a flower, I tuck it behind her ear. And then I find one for myself (or she gives me one<3).
When I give my daughter a cup of milk, I put it in the same cup every time and call it her “special drink”. She goes crazy for it. She gets to drink that while I have my coffee (or chocolate milk if im not feeling caffeine lol). Making ordinary things special is just as fun for me as it is for her.
I truly believe that a lot of how we experience life has to do with what we believe.
This doesn’t mean there aren’t hard nights or weeks or months. It just means that it is possible to look past them.
Thank you for reading and I want to add a disclaimer that if you are struggling please reach out to someone that loves you and can help you, and if you just need someone to listen my DMs are open.
Stay wild!
