How to Find Yourself After Becoming a Mother

Before moving on, I want to reframe this mindset and say you did not lose yourself. You are still in there. My first year went a little like this: three months of being too tired to do anything but take care of my baby, three months of realizing that I haven’t read or drawn or written anything in a while, three months of feeling bad about not doing those things now that I am trying to, and then finally, three months of doing those things when I feel up to it.

Now, almost two years later, I’m doing what I want, almost whenever I want, and I have the best little girl keeping me company. This morning I saw a video about how it takes almost two years to “find yourself” again after giving birth. I don’t want to spread that message. I fully believe you are still yourself and your priorities shifted. And that is okay, and acceptable, and a good thing. If you feel too tired to read because you are taking care of your baby, that’s okay. You will read again.

If you just don’t feel like reading, that is FINE! It does not mean you have lost yourself! Your desires have shifted right now, that is normal and what happens all throughout life. It will happen again and again and again. Let it. Do not beat yourself up, or think you’ve lost your “pink”. So before I get ahead of myself, here’s a how-to on “finding” yourself after becoming a mother.

1. realize you are not lost

Okay, I already did this rant, but I am so serious. Mindset is everything. Embrace this version of yourself. She is capable.

2. give yourself time to get back to your hobbies

Don’t rush yourself into “bouncing back” into your old life. It kind of sneaks up on you. I’m not saying do nothing, I am saying put effort into what seems manageable right now, not what would have been manageable to you six months ago.

3. try different hobbies that require less of you

I walked a TON after having my daughter, and that turned into identifying birds. At the time, I didn’t even know I had picked that up as a hobby but I kept my eyes peeled for them, and did a bunch of googling about each bird. And now I know most of the kinds of birds that I see often!

4. try hobbies that include your baby

I am a firm believer that parenting is integrating your child into your life, not strictly catering your life to your child. By this I mean my daughter goes on hikes with me, goes to the beach with me, goes shopping with me and she even comes to my workout class with me. We do go to parks and occasionally a kids indoor play place, but mostly we just do stuff that I would normally do. She loves it.

5. keep trying

Keep showing up for yourself. For your baby. For your partner. Get dressed when you can. In early postpartum I only wanted to be in PJs, but I also wanted to feel good about myself. SO I bought a super cute set and wore those constantly, to feel presentable.

As always, thanks for reading. Stay wild!